In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
