just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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