Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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