I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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