Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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