Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
