I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
