I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
