If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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