I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
