I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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