There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
