Say something about gay babies.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
