There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
