O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
