Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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