mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
