It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
