you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize