Nicole vs. Life
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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