tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I love you. Go after that dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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