Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
