Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
