Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Panties = found
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
