Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
