Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
