I think im going to throw up on grandma
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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