I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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