Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
