It's like a parade of train wrecks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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