Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
