and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
