Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
