K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize