just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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