Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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