We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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