We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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