dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
