i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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