A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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