his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
