I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
