I accidentally burped into my bong.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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