is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
