I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize