She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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