Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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