A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
