I just saw a hot homeless man
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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