I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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