god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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