Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
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