pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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