it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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