My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
