So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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