I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize