You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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