Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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