Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
