I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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