you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
