What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
zippers are such a cool invention
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
