Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just threw up on my dentist
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
