Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
