Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
