i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
