i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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