can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
