I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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