I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
kristin has been a bad kristin
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
