i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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