if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize