I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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