I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
