My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
