I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
