Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
