if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
