I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She needs sedatives and a leash
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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