The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize