The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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