My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
