she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
