I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
