I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
