I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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