READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize