this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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