Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
