Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
