i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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