I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
