oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
