I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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