When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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