I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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