Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
