you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
