It's like God shit irony all over that family
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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