Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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