im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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