after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So vagazzling was a success
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
