I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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