State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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