Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
