It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
